mirphaloo asked: How did the deathof your father impact you/your life? I am grieving my mother who died suddenly about a month ago and trying to learn from all of these experiences.
Although this is a deeply saddening experience, take a moment to acknowledge that it is an experience everyone goes through. If we live long enough, we outlive our parents. Try to recognize that while this experience is certainly unwelcome, it will come to everyone regardless of circumstance. You are not alone in your grief.
Therefore don’t shy away from your grief. Be honest and direct with it. Don’t draw conclusions, don’t try to orient yourself. Just feel it. If you are going to cry, then cry. Let the storm rage until it has nothing left and the skies clear. If another storm comes then it comes.
You are the sky, not the weather. You will figure this out once you stay with your feelings without fixating on your thoughts.
You may spend the rest of your life recollecting old memories. But the learning your mother gave you has already happened.
We ask some of life’s most important questions when we are children. The answers we receive shape our life in invisible ways. It’s easy to overlook but it is beyond true.
I remember when I was six or so, my father was driving me home. We were stopped at a stoplight.
"Dad, what happens after we die?" I asked.
I didn’t really understand the fact that my father was a pediatric neuro-surgeon, that he had dealt with death and children on a daily basis. He could have answered using religion or science or just apathy. Instead:
"No one knows," he said calmly, looking down at me in the car seat. “No one has come back to tell us.”
This was the perfect answer in so many ways. It didn’t assert religion, nor did it disagree. It didn’t scare me, nor did it comfort me. It kept me curious.
My father died when I was only eighteen but he has shaped me deeply in many ways. I remember how he called me “genuinely cool” when I was nine years old. He just made me feel strong and happy and I loved him for it.
Your mother has given you many things that make you who you are today. Even as you grieve, it may be a meaningful endeavor to look within yourself and see the ways she has gifted your life.
Too timid to charge the full rate after giving up the goods.